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Growing up in Perth, I remember when the internet first arrived. It was huge. The last big thing to get to Western Australia was couscous. Sure, email was fun, but back in the 90s all I wanted to do was listen to short, low-quality .wav files of Bart Simpson.
I was there during the golden age of eBaum’s World. I lost my tiny, prepubescent mind at the flash cartoons of Joe Cartoon’s Frog in a Blender, I lamented the Hamster Dance, I wondered at the GI Joe PSA overdubs and marvelled at the Keyboard Cat.
Am I proud of watching these things? No, absolutely not, but it’s the truth. The internet is truly a cursed place full of things both great and terrible. Here are some of them now:
1. Ducky McDuck the Dog Conqueror
This is the most perfect video on the internet and everything on this list is downhill from here.
2. Midwest Freestyle Canoe 2007
This one ain’t yo’ mama’s freestyle canoeing vid. If you get flustered easily, you may want to sit this one out. Marc Ornstein is clearly a sensual being, he might not be getting wet but I certainly am. If you think freestyle canoeing is not erotic, watch this and prepare to feel like a complete idiot.
3. Fushigi – the magic gravity ball
I don’t know what it is, or what it does, but I can do it. It’s Fushigi, the magic gravity ball. Unlock the secrets of Fushigi and confuse your friends. I actually went on Gumtree and bought a Fushigi for $15 and now I have to drive to Oakleigh to pick it up and to be honest I really don’t want to do that, but I have to because I’m a man of my word.
4. Wendy’s Hot Drinks Training Video
Hot drinks, cold drinks, grill skills, chilli, fries. It’s all there and in rap form. Pop it on and bliss the eff out.
This is probably the piece that has influenced me the most. I constantly think about BulletBall Guy. He occupies a huge, oceanfront property in my mind. The rent is insane but I just let him stay there for free because I love him. I think he’s doing well now – BulletBall is still going. Never give up on your dreams.
6. The Dress Up Gang – Christian gets knocked off his High Horse
Do you know how to big league someone? This video will help you out. Check out The Dress Up Gang’s other sketches, like Cute House, while you’re at it and you won’t be disappointed. The comedy is understated, gentle and I am 100% on board.
7. Vin Diesel sings Hamilton
My name is Vin Diesel, King of Kings. Look upon my works, ye mighty, and despair!
8. Vic Berger Presents Jim Bakker’s Buckets
At this point I assume most people are aware of Vic Berger, but just in case you aren’t I feel as if I must introduce you to this channel. His series on the convicted felon preacher Jim Bakker is one of the best.
9. Nippers – Sam Campbell and Eric Hutton – Grouse House
Grouse House is a beautiful channel by Haven’t You Done Well Productions (Aunty Donna’s production company) and will ensure you get a steady stream of absurd, sometimes disturbing but always fresh comedy (I am incredibly biased). Nippers is no exception – top talent all round. Do try it.
10. Acting Masterclass with Michael Caine
The original is also available and highly recommended, but Peter Serafinowicz elevates it to new heights and delivers the defining Michael Caine impression.